he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All the doctor said was why
Randomize