The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
