Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You are a genius and a whore.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
