saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
