I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
