College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
