also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
