this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
