i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
