Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
