His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
