I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
