My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
