ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
