My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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