Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
