If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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