I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
