i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize