we're blogging at a bar
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
