I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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