I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
