Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
even my farts smell like vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize