Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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