Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
