I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
