wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
