After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
