i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
