The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
