So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
