I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
