It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
