i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
