Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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