Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
