I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
