id be glad to
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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