She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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