I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
