dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's like God shit irony all over that family
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
