Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
