I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
