i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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