i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I can text with my tongue
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
