Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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