come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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