Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
