my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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