So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
