508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
