I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
