and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
