so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
