After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
