I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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