Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
