Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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