the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
