it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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