When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
