just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
