Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
