I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
