My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Boobs speak an international language.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
